I'm now totally deaf. I hear nothing. Nada. My cochlear implant processor has been relegated to a drawer until I can be reimplanted. This is not America where I can dial up private health insurance to get it done quickly - no private health insurance will touch anything to do with ears with a 10 foot barge pole. It makes me wonder if they think helping deafness is like cosmetic surgery. Ear job, boob job?
Instead I'm reliant on a Government Department to fund my reimplantation. I'm sure that Government Departments are the same world over, and work at one pace. Slow. Stifled with red tape and bureaucracy. New Zealand is no different.
Anyway. Being thrown into total deafness has its moments. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I laugh. I saw pity in the mans eyes at the supermarket. He stopped to help me pick out the best tomatoes - nice dear old man. He had a beard and tried to talk to me. I couldn't lipread him, so I pointed to my ears and told him I'm completely deaf. I didn't apologise for it. HIs eyes changed and I could see pity. But it's not pity I want. It's understanding. Go and shave off your moustache and beard, then try talking to me again.
Being totally deaf brings out my evil streak. I would like nothing better than to play a practical joke. You know those places that advertise free hearing tests? Oh how I would love to turn up there.
'I think my hearing has gone down a bit - could I sign up for a free hearing test'
And when they start testing...
'Have you started the test yet?'
'I think your equipment is malfunctioning'
'I can't hear I can't hear'!!
However, I can't bring myself to be this mean - I can only think about it. However if one of my friends knew an audiologist and wanted me to play a practical joke on them, I'd sign up straight away! But I couldn't be mean to stranger. Not today anyway.
Besides knowing my luck, I'd get one that didn't have a sense of humour!! So far I've only met a couple of audiologists that have my sense of humour. But I guess that's not so surprising as my humour is a bit out there!