Saturday, April 24, 2010

Rules For My Slave - by Kassia Carter

The Little Brown Burmese Cat with a Big Personality

1).Wake up time in the mornings is 6am. Licking your nose and chin means I'm HUNGRY and you MUST get up and do something about it. Do not go back to sleep.

2). When I paw your face it means I want to be tickled. FOREVER. You will not stop and go back to sleep.  Tickle Me!

3). When I YELL at the door I want it OPEN. I may not necessarily WANT to go outside. If it's cold toughen up.  Go and buy a fur coat. LEAVE it open or I will carry on YELLING!

4). If I'm on the bench in the Kitchen I'm HUNGRY. Feed me. I will NOT get down until there is food on my plate.

5).When I am on top of the Kitchen Cupboards and want to get down. I will CALL you. I CANNOT jump down the same way I got up. You MUST come over and present your back so I can JUMP on you. I will do this as often as I like.

6). IF I am on my back I WANT my tummy rubbed. HARDER. LONGER. FOREVER. DON'T STOP!

7).IF I am talking to you I EXPECT an answer. I will talk as LONG and as LOUD as I like. You will keep replying.

8). If I want to sit on your knee, I will do so. I do not CARE what you are doing at the time, or what you have on your knee. I WILL fit regardless.

9). If I've been out in the rain and come in all WET, then I will DRY myself on the nearest human. I will NOT tolerate a towel. Only warm dry Humans will suffice.

10). Bedtime is 9.30pm SHARP. You will come at ONCE. If you don't I will carry on YELLING until you do.

11). In bed you MUST lie on your back so I can USE your boobs as a pillow. You MUST pull the blankets over me because it's COLD.

12). If you sleep on your side you MUST cuddle me until I go to sleep. I MUST be allowed to have my head on your pillow like you. I am HUMAN.

13). You will NOT breathe on me. You will NOT SNORE. If you do I will try and smother you with my paws over your face and nose. IF you CONTINUE, I will press harder.

"There be Rabbits out there"


Kassia Carter


Early Light said...

That is hilarious. It's amazing how much smarter than dogs cats are. Dogs do our bidding, but with cats, it is certainly the other way around.

Morgan said...

When I visit Kass and I will have to make a team. I'll get up at 6am and YELL for breakfast, then YELL to be taken out somewhere for the day, then YELL for my dinner, then YELL for you to get off your computer and entertain me, then YELL for you to turn the tele off so I can go to sleep.

I am going to draw the line at licking your face, asking for my tummy to be rubbed or sleeping on your boobs.....

Actually it's a good thing you include photos so everyone knows Kass is a cat! Makes entertaining reading otherwise!

Anonymous said...

Morgan, I am NOT going to present my back to you for you to jump on from the top of the kitchen cupboards. If you get up there, you can get down yourself! No amount of yelling will make me change my mind about this!


Morgan said...

OK, but can I have a ladder at least to get up there?

Anonymous said...

I don't have one

David said...

Brilliant. Loved it.. who's Kass?

Anonymous said...

Kass is my 8yo burmese cat currently wandering round the house talking to me! She's complaining now because the sun has gone out and it's all MY fault!


Linda said...

hahaha that is so funny

Ann said...

I swear, my rocket dog and your Burmese cat are twins, same behavior except for the sounds each make...and she thinks she's human too. :P


kim said...

She sounds like a handful, but she's so cute!

Romantic bed and breakfasts said...

All are the very beautiful, delightful and amazing destinations which are all packed by the mob of travelers with the true enthusiasm and joy of traveling for sure.

Anonymous said...

@Romantic Bed and Breakasts - No mobs at any of these destinations - they are very remote and only a few hardy travellers go there.